Dear Mum - I See You

By Donna Petersen

  

I want you to know that I forgive you and that I hope you can forgive me too.

I want you to know that I am stronger than you think and all my hidden strength comes from you.

I want you to know you can rest in peace now, nobody can hurt you anymore.

I want you to know that you were in my thoughts every day you were alive and there after

I hope that you are getting on with my brother, Eric.

I wish you could see me now, like I see you.  I don’t want to be here without you, you are my mum and I know you, I see you.

I was there with you in the darkness and although I was little and naïve, I did see you

I want you to know all your triumphs will not go un-noticed because I live on and there’s a part of you in Jade, a great part.

Jade is only 4 years old when you suddenly left this plane of earth but she will not forget what a loving, kind, caring paw paw she had in you.

I will try to treasure your life and show Jade all the amazing traits inherited from you, which continues to live on through her.

I see myself like you and for a long time it scared me, but now I see I was really afraid that I could not live up to your image.

With each passing moment I am reminded of how much I miss you.

I hope you can understand why it was hard for me to see you in recent times and I could tell you desperately wanted to take more of me, but I want you to know after losing my brother, I really didn’t think I had anymore to give.  But through your death, I realised “we always have more to give……we simply need to believe in ourselves” and you gave this to me.

I hope you don’t mind but to my brother, Eric, thank you for living your life so fully, there’s not much you did not try, experience and in your 43 years of life, you have done so much and whether or not you knew it at the time, your bucket list was full.

Brother, I want you to go easy on mum, she’s not used to this, she’s new but she’s family.  With each passing day, I know I am closer to seeing both of you and that lightens my heart a little.

Mum, don’t worry about me, about Jade, about Tim, about anything. Just rest. Just relax, you have done better than your best and for that I am grateful.

Thank you for looking after me as best as you could. I know it was not easy and even though brother and you are gone, I do have faith that we will reunite and all those who stood in our ways cannot touch us.

I love you mum, always have, always will.